Day 353 - PTSD

I always thought somehow that to have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) one must have gone through something super traumatic – to have been a solder in Afghanistan, to have witnessed a tragic death of a close one… something of that sort. It never occurred to me that losing a big tennis match as a tennis player or not passing a big exam or many other “little” things that do not stop our daily lives, could cause PTSD and as a result huge anxiety. This is a big revelation to me, because it explains why one might feel the way they feel. And the “explain” part is huge for me - it is empowering. The light comes on. And once the light is on, you realize that you are not the way you are out of nowehere; instead, there is a reason behind it. And of course, what might cause me a PTSD, might not cause another person PTSD. In any event, I think that if you know what is causing you to be depressed or riddled with anxiety, I feel that is half of the battle. Then, you can do something about it.

Simple explanation of PTSD: PTSD makes you feel stressed and afraid in a lingering/long term manner after the danger is over. Now, that perceived danger (because it might not have been even for real) could have been experienced when you were a kid and the part of your brain that can reason and “judge” the danger for what it actually was, was not developed. And so you might grow up with PTSD that has affected your life and the people around you, and you would not even know it. PTSD can also start at different times for different people: for some, signs of PTSD may start soon after the frightening/triggering event and then continue. For other people, PTSD might develop new or more severe signs months or even years later. And then… go figure what’s wrong… Suddenly, you are not eating, or not sleeping well, or you are hoarding, or drinking… and there is a reason for it, reason you might not be able to identify alone.

Anyway, what all this means is that we are the way we are for a reason. And we got to be gentle and kind to ourselves. But first and foremost, I think we have to be honest and not normalize our own state of misery and condition, even if it comes and goes and even if we are used to it. Go and seek help!